Sensitivity to touch

I have a hard time with being touched. It actually makes my skin crawl in some instances. When I'm going through a tough time, touching does not help or comfort me in any way. I actually think that when I'm going through a tough time, or I'm extremely stressed about something, I can't stand it even more than usual. And that's usually when people want to give me a hug, or gently rub my back in an attempt to soothe me. And bless their hearts for wanting to help, because they are not aware that I have a problem, and because I'm assuming being hugged or touched does actually soothe, or console the "neurotypical" person. But instead of bringing me comfort, it actually causes my whole body to tense up, and makes me just want to crawl out of my skin. Now a breif, quick hug I can handle. I don't love it, but it's tolerable. Now if they start lightly rubbing my back during that breif hug, I'll quickly pull away. But I've learned over the past 26 years how to pull away without making it too obvious that I just want them to get their hands off of me. And it has nothing to do with the person doing the touching(most of the time at least lol). It has to do with the sensation I feel. As I said before, I cannot tolerate light touch. But actually, with a certain amount of firmness it can be ok(on occasion). Which is why I think I'm okay with the brief hug because there is usually a decent amount of firmness involved, and not alot of light rubbing. My Husband has learned over the years how to deal with me and my sensitivity to touch, among other things, and I commend him for being so patient and understanding with me.

Now this is where having Asperger's interferes with my life in a very negative way..

My daughter always wants to cuddle, and I feel terrible because I have such a problem with being touched that it get's in the way of bonding with my daughter in some ways. She's 5yrs old. She is very sweet, and loves cuddling. Most people would say "just do it, she's your daughter and her needs come first, not yours". And I AGREE. My child's needs should come before mine. And for the most part they do. But that's what sucks so insanely bad about being this way, is it just doesn't seem to be something I can control or change about myself. It's like the wiring in my brain only allows for a certain types of touch, and I have to be in control. Now I'm not saying I never sit with my daughter and hold her, or cuddle with her, because I most definitely do, ALOT. But if she catches me off guard, or comes up to me for instance, and lightly grazes my arm saying "I want to cuddle", I can't handle that type of "light" touch (for example where she's pretending to be a kitty and rubbing on me). But instead of telling her "Please don't touch me", I just say, "Honey, Mommy's not feeling so good right now..how about you let me finish up what I'm doing, and then I will hold you ok?" I just want to be the best Mom that I can possibly be, and there are so many ways that AS gets in the way of that.

 Now, even though I have struggled with these issues all my life, it took 26 years to be officially diagnosed, and I still have alot to learn about AS, and how to cope, so if anyone has any tips or advice on ways that I can make the sensitivity of being touched more bearable, at least for my daughter, please leave a comment. It would be greatly appreciated! Thanks!

Lacey G.